Childless or Childfree, choice & Compulsion

Being Childless to start with is such a epiphany.. I said to self.
To opt not to give birth is a choice.
What is the compelling need?
How many of them can actually answer when asked
'Why they really wanted or want a child'?
Most we know would have because its a social norm,
"My biological clock is ticking",
"My parents/ In-laws etc wanted us to",
"Having a child could save my failing marriage
"Our children will support us in our old age" or the most cliched" -They carry our family name further".
These are the most generic responses you would get.
No one did ask you why you gave birth to a child so why ask her "Why don't you want to have a baby"
Does anyone really care what goes behind that decision to not have one?
She may have other priorities in her life and she chose to give being a mother a backseat.
The right guy never really came (pun intended)
She may have lost a child earlier and the probability is overwhelming to lose yet another. She may have had a medical condition.
Maybe being a mother could mean risk the life which is yet to be borne.
Or simply she chooses not to have one.
Does that make her selfish or vain or any less of a woman?
We talk about giving women the right to choose her own life but are we really giving her the space when she actually does?
We sneer when she wants to live life on her own terms.
Her sensibility is questioned and she is labeled. Why smother her with how being a mother completes her as a woman? By the way wasn't it a Man, Marriage, Family which completes her?? Sigh!! Now a baby too. Give her a break!
Being a mother definitely is a beautiful feeling. But why shackle that feeling with giving birth.
Creativity too is giving birth to your thoughts, your imagination, to express yourself.
The little girl next door loves to paint. Everytime she finishes her sketch she looks at it longingly and occasionally kisses some.
That feeling of accomplishment is being a mother.
The old lady down the lane feeds the stray cats every evening, those cats gather around her and she smiles the wrinkly smile, that feeling of happiness and satisfaction is being a mother.
A child, is it necessary to be borne from me to call myself a mother? Doesn't a child of any species qualify to be considered as a child?

After thoughtful consideration with my partner we adopted a baby (Dog puppy for some) when we both were ready to extend our family. Like all parents we wanted and strive to give her our best.
She is a reflection of us and the love we share as a couple.
I fuss over her, pamper her, spoil her and discipline her when required. I have spent sleepless nights too when she has been unwell or doesn't eat. We smile, we talk, we hug and kiss & share a bond like any mother-daughter has. I can vividly describe every bit of her growing up years. I adapted my lifestyle to suit our family so that everyone fits in perfect and is happy.
Its about being a mother so I am.
Childless u may call,only because it is not a human baby..so be it.
The god of small things is very generous. We have to find our bit of happiness from her and make it big.
Happy Mother's Day to all the awesome Moms out there.
Everyone is special in her own way. Respect that.
So the next time you want to ask her Why, Ask yourself first.

Unapologetically & Unbashedly

Daddy's Lil' Girl

You taught her to be tough and yet you always want to protect her.
You brought her up like a boy and yet call her your lil' princess
You hate to see her cry and yet emphasize the joy of tears
You told her great stories and encouraged her to make some of her own
You made her fight her own battles
And keep her head up high.
My hand in yours.. You are my hero, Papa
No one else can ever compare
The world feels a better place whenever I hold your little finger
Theres no greater joy when I hug you tight
And rest my head on your chest
No wonders "My Papa strongest" I chant.
You said you will always keep me close
The boy who loves me has to fight for me with you
And you would let him win eventhough he took ur lil' girl's heart away
Because he makes me smile no matter what
The richness of his heart sparkles as the twinkle in my eyes
Nothing is going to be ever best for my lil'princess, you sigh
But you are willing to give it a try
You would cry when you give my hand in his
Reassured because you know he would love me always just as you did.

Woman - Thy birth is cursed!

I died as a woman today
The bastard who outrages another woman's modesty is borne through me.
Woe on me because
I pride upon my son to be a man
and preach to my daughter to search for her own existence.
To break free from the shackles
I scream n shout
I can't hear my own voice
deafened by helplessness and despair
My soul aches
buried deep within me is that fear,
I am a woman in a Man's world.

The Lie about the Truth

The last time I saw you
We couldn't hug tight
The memories we made together came in between
Distances of the heart are a mile longer
The smile that you bring to my face
Was fighting to keep the eyes from glistening with tears
I knew from the second I saw you this feeling is here to stay
Yet we bid adieu.

Nothing lasts forever they say
No one told me its never this way
There is a bigger evil I had heard
Let it not reside within me I pray
I have bigger sins to commit I said to self
You had ignited the fire and doused it with promises to stay
The lure of the unknown is what made you its prey
As u willingly embrace it
My faith in you lies slayed.
I now choose to tread the road less travelled
I smile because I still want to believe the lies u told
Our paths won't cross
Yet I hope we do meet again someday.

The Proposal

He slipped the ring on my finger
glistening three tiny diamonds on gold
Looking into my eyes "Be mine" he asked me in earnest
He promised  "when I can afford hon This stone shall be bigger
I have no flowers or frills to impress you
For I shall love you forever time shall see
As I live my days in your loving presence
Our love shall grow"
My mother had said someday
I pray you get a man who loves you more than your father
makes you feel like a little girl and treats you like a lady
Cos in his eyes u shall see the father of your unborn child.
Tears flood my eyes pearly two drops of joy
I said 'I do'
I always wanted to.  

Stillborn

The day you died within me
You took away alongwith a part of me.
The life that was yet to be borne
envisioning a memory to cherish for a lifetime was no more a reality
Snatched away from me unexpectedly & so very cruelly
What did I do to deserve this?
I asked myself umpteen times.
No one did answer but the voices haunted my existence
The pain you never experience is always the open unhealed wound
The indelible scar reminiscent of the agony.
To never give it another try is a choice
To some, who shall never understand.
This begining was an end to me.
Fetching the scattered pieces I bury the want deep within my heart
Inspite of all, it still beats the familiar tune
Someone who calls me mother
.....is sleeping peacefully etched in my soul.

My Sleeping Child

I often wondered
Were you a boy
The eternal bundle of joy
 Or the pretty girl
Babydoll we wud fondly call
The first cry after u enter this world
 Was it you saying mommy whats this all?
 The warm loving feel of your womb
And why is it so cold outside
The bright lights scare me & the voices seem strange
 Your comforting heartbeat soothes my soul
Let me stay within you forever, mother
For our hearts beat as one.
 "Oh my sleeping child" I wail
Mommy wouldn't have it any other way
 All her life she will cherish this day
 I mourned for no reason
 For the numerous joys we can't measure
 You were borne to be a part of me
 It ain't matter where u sleep child
Mommy will always sing you a lullaby.

She is a woman... always a mother thereafter.

I cried a lot that day
And a little more everyday
I asked God why?
No, I din't want to believe You called for the good ones early
I never really was that bad!
I wished & prayed it was me instead of you
Cos at least mother would not be as lost
Her stray tear would still be apparent
No matter how hard she tried to hide
She smiled everytime she looked at me
In that I saw a godliness that no one else can
Her will was lost but hope was still intact.
"No matter what I will live on to see you spread your wings and fly".
She said one day, "my little girl you shall understand, Why I chose to be a mother first over being a woman"
Don't consider it a sacrifice because this is what I choose
To see the daughter I reared with the love of my life
To help and realise her thineself, to soar and to realise her dreams,
To smile, to be loved and to be able to love".
I will always miss my father
Yet I proudly say I was fathered by my Mother!!

Love you Mommy. There is indeed no one as beautiful as you.